Tucker Is Really, Really Worried About Low Sperm Counts – So Jimmy Kimmel Offered To Help

Fox News host Tucker Carlson is sounding the alarm over a recent report that American males have lower sperm counts than they once did.

Carlson complained Monday night that the media is ignoring “the biggest story there is.”

“So we spent the last year hearing about a health crisis, a pandemic, but there are a lot of health crises. This may be the biggest one. Falling testosterone levels, which have completely reshaped our society,” Tucker said, just throwing that out there as a transphobic dog-whistle for his far-right viewers — because this story is not about testosterone levels. “Falling sperm counts, which may make it impossible to continue the human race. Why is this happening? Probably because of chemicals in our environment.”

“According to one scientist, sperm counts in the western world have dropped 59% between 1973 and 2011,” said Carlson. “At this pace, sperm counts will reach zero by 2045.”

ABC late-night host Jimmy Kimmel offered to help Tucker by offering the right-wing personality his own sperm.

“Listen, dude, if you need sperm, I can get you sperm,” Kimmel promised. “I got a guy. Tucker Carlson always comes up with something. Of all the sperm in his father’s sac, I can’t believe he was the fastest one.”

Kimmel went on to address the latest panic at Fox News over Dr. Seuss, saying that it “had to put a dent in old Tuck’s nuts.”