Youth Pastor Shares Heartbreaking Suicide Note Left By Bullied Gay Teen: ‘Dear World…’



Peter Delacroix, a gay youth pastor, recently shared the heartbreaking news that one of the teens he counseled at his church had taken his own life as a result of bullying and ridicule.

Delacroix said he woke up to an email from the teen he referred to as “Max” and said he rushed over to his house as soon as he realized it was a suicide letter. But by the time he got there, Max had already hanged himself and paramedics were not able to resuscitate him.

He described the budding musician as having “the heart of a lion, the soul of a poet and the smile of an angel.”

The youth pastor says Max’s music could “bring you to tears.”

Delacroix shared Max’s suicide note with the world at the request of his grandmother.

After struggling with her request for a few days, Delacroix shared it on Twitter because he could not “in good conscience silence his last words.”

Dear World

You are ugly and dirty and you make me feel ugly and dirty. I have heard all my life that I am a sinner even though I love God and I like to think God loves me too.

I’m sorry Jack that I didn’t kiss you that day. I’m sorry Pastor Pete but please don’t be sad. Mostly I’m sorry Gramma because I know you tried really hard to love me when no one else would. I’m sorry I let you all down. I’m sorry but I’m just tired of all the hate.

I’m tired and want to sleep forever but maybe I will wake up in Heaven and there will be no hate there and only love. No one will call me bad names or hit me or remind me of my accidental place here.

Everyday I watch the news and see the hate against people like me and I realize I have no future. This country I don’t recognize anymore hates me and makes laws to punish me just because I’m gay.

They hate me because I love too much and love too wrong. I learned that my kind of love is bad. I heard it enough to believe it a long time ago.

Everyday someone comes along that tells me that I am worthless and my love, how I love, who I love is an affront to God as if anyone truly knows God’s mind.

I love beautiful things and I cry when they are gone. There is no more beauty left in the world. It has been replaced with this alien thing called hate. Bad people killed all the beautiful things. This is not a world I want to live in.

This is my choice the only choice I was ever given and it is mine alone.

I love you but I won’t miss any of this and I don’t think in the end I will be missed much at all in a world that looks at me like I’m something dirty they found on the bottom of their shoe.

I’m sorry I was weak and that I loved too much.

Max

The pastor shared this final message to Max: “You are wrong about one thing: you *will* be missed, by the entire world, who has been robbed of your beauty.”

And to parents of LGBTQ kids, Delacroix had this to say: “Parents, if you have a queer child, hug them and tell them you love them. Do this every day. Tell them they are beautiful and have worth, no matter what anyone else might tell them. Be their armor against hate.”

Max’s grandmother has asked those moved by Max’s final message to consider donating to The Trevor Project (1-866-488-7386) or to a local homeless shelter dedicated to LGBTQ kids.