Roy Moore, the Alabama Senate candidate who’s now facing numerous allegations of sexual assault and misconduct with teen girls, held a bizarre press conference on Thursday attended by a who’s who of religious activists known for their extreme views on abortion and gay rights.
The presser began with religious leaders defending Moore against what they argued was unfair targeting by the “gay mafia” because he has consistently fought against “LGBT indoctrination.”
Rabbi Noson Shmuel Leiter praised Moore’s record opposing LGBT rights, saying he is needed in the Senate to face off against “gay terrorists.”
Moore began his remarks with a fun anecdote about hemorrhoids.
To the unfamiliar, hemorrhoids are engorged blood vessels that are found in or around your rectum and make life a living hell.
On live on national television, Moore began by describing his early days on the bench, with a “seasoned old judge” telling him he needed to invest in three things. The first thing is “you need to have eyeglasses so it shows people that you study a lot and read a lot.”
“The next thing is you have to have graying hair or thinning hair. You have to have that to show your age.”
“Then you have to have one other thing. You have to have hemorrhoids.”
“I said, ‘Judge, I don’t understand that. I don’t have hemorrhoids.’ ‘Well, you have to have hemorrhoids.’ I said, ‘Why?’ He said, ‘It gives you a concerned look.'”
The audience burst into laughter, though Twitter users were confused by the bizarre anecdote at a press conference to address serious child molestation allegations:
Roy Moore is talking about… hemorrhoids
— Emily C. Singer (@CahnEmily) November 16, 2017
Roy Moore is talking about hemorrhoids. This is not a test.
— Chris Cillizza (@CillizzaCNN) November 16, 2017
Talk about what you know. Roy Moore taking this advice too literally.
— John Gerard (@OHFScratch) November 16, 2017
Turned on the TV only to hear Roy Moore say the word “hemorrhoids” a few times. Alright TV back off.
— Jon Hansen (@jonthecubsfan) November 16, 2017
To be fair, what else would an A-hole have to talk about? https://t.co/PeJeSg9e7F
— Betty's Gonna Betty (@RogueBettySays) November 16, 2017
It is appropriate that Roy Moore opened his press conference with a story about hemorrhoids, given he is an asshole
— (((Mark Campbell))) (@MrWordsWorth) November 16, 2017
"It can't get any worse. Just don't go out there and talk about hemorrhoids on live TV." – Roy Moore strategist probably.
Two minutes later: pic.twitter.com/P2iitRvoTf
— Jason Howerton (@jason_howerton) November 16, 2017
— Shefali S. Kulkarni (@shefalikulkarni) November 16, 2017
Roy Moore’s speech about hemorrhoids was interesting. Reminder that he was banned from both the mall and the YWCA for harassing women: https://t.co/ToHXBUsbWV
— Shannon Watts (@shannonrwatts) November 16, 2017
Roy Moore vanishes into the night, fleeing on the gossamer wings of hemorrhoids
— Chris Mohney (@chrismohney) November 16, 2017
— Michael Castner (@MichaelCastner) November 16, 2017
Roy Moore just actually said that we have to "stop judicial supremacy" after he's been twice defrocked as Alabama's Chief Justice for violating the Constitution.
He said that honesty isn't important in politics, but you need glasses and hemorrhoids.
Moore ducked all questions. pic.twitter.com/WNsUEoQD3z
— Grant Stern (@grantstern) November 16, 2017
If you missed the press conference, here’s what we learned:
-Roy Moore doesn’t have hemorrhoids
-Roy Moore thinks Mitch McConnell is the one who should step down
— Josh Billinson (@jbillinson) November 16, 2017
The Roy Moore press conference just ended in spectacular fashion. pic.twitter.com/VmsSgCCUZD
— jordan (@JordanUhl) November 16, 2017