Roy Moore Opens Press Conference With An Important Story About Hemorrhoids

Roy Moore, the Alabama Senate candidate who’s now facing numerous allegations of sexual assault and misconduct with teen girls, held a bizarre press conference on Thursday attended by a who’s who of religious activists known for their extreme views on abortion and gay rights.

The presser began with religious leaders defending Moore against what they argued was unfair targeting by the “gay mafia” because he has consistently fought against “LGBT indoctrination.”

Rabbi Noson Shmuel Leiter praised Moore’s record opposing LGBT rights, saying he is needed in the Senate to face off against “gay terrorists.”

Moore began his remarks with a fun anecdote about hemorrhoids.

To the unfamiliar, hemorrhoids are engorged blood vessels that are found in or around your rectum and make life a living hell.

On live on national television, Moore began by describing his early days on the bench, with a “seasoned old judge” telling him he needed to invest in three things. The first thing is “you need to have eyeglasses so it shows people that you study a lot and read a lot.”

“The next thing is you have to have graying hair or thinning hair. You have to have that to show your age.”

“Then you have to have one other thing. You have to have hemorrhoids.”

“I said, ‘Judge, I don’t understand that. I don’t have hemorrhoids.’ ‘Well, you have to have hemorrhoids.’ I said, ‘Why?’ He said, ‘It gives you a concerned look.'”

The audience burst into laughter, though Twitter users were confused by the bizarre anecdote at a press conference to address serious child molestation allegations: