Bored Straight Man Desires “Strap-On” Sex With His Too “Vanilla” Girlfriend: ‘Please Help!’

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A straight man recently took to Reddit’s Sex forum to discuss his deteriorating sex life he says is too vanilla for his taste.

He confesses that while he is in a healthy relationship with his girlfriend of three years, he is beginning to have second thoughts about marrying her after his “midwest simpleton” girlfriend has stopped fucking him with a strap-on dildo or a double-ended dildo, and instead their sex life has turned into a “predictable missionary, cowgirl and pull out.”

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He writes:

Ladies…only. So my girlfriend of 3 years plus recently confessed she is only into vanilla sex. Although we initially used to peg a few times a year the frequency has turned to none whatsoever.

She admitted she only did it in the first place because she wanted me to like her. Now that we live together and are possibly in the future getting married I am torn. Obviously its not a deal breaker. But I am genuinely sad that I am destined for very vanilla sex forever.

A little backstory. My ex gf brought up pegging i.e. strapon sex and while hesitant and initially dismissive I agreed. It was something that at one point we were exclusively having anal sex, me penetrating her and her turning the tables on me. Amazing sex, terrible relationship and a succubus emotional cum sucking vampire.

Fast forward 4 years and I’m in a healthy relationship with a boring sex life. It’s so predictable missionary, cowgirl and pull out. No anal, no pegging or swallowing. We have all the equipment harness etc. and it just sits on a shelf collecting dust. I’ve brought it up several times over the past few months and perpetually get shot down. I’m starting to think that this midwest simpleton girl only pegged me initially to lure me in to thinking she was slightly kinky. I literally couldn’t even cum the other day because I’m beginning to grow un-attracted to her physically. Meanwhile she’s laying on her back getting off multiple times.

I don’t care berate me call me selfish but am I totally out of line? I’ve gone as far as making it mutually enjoyable with toys that could stimulate her as well..feeldoe, double ended dildo etc. I know she doesn’t think I’m gay. She had gay friends in college and I’m nothing like them. Just because I want something phallic in my ass doesn’t mean I want to have a relationship with some rainbow pridefest stereotypical lgbt type.

I see other blogs and r/pegging and it seems like there are plenty of couples that indulge in this fun exchange of power. What should I do? I don’t want to cheat on her. Doing it to myself doesn’t have the same psychological effect and watching pegging porn while great is just me vicariously wanting my S.O. to do it to me. Definitely starting to resent her as a selfish lover and even on Valentines day when I brought it up she out of pity I guess gave me a reach around blowjob. So i guess that’s a little compromise. Bored As Fuck. Please Help

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Predictably, Reddit responded with some excellent advice for this dissatisfied boyfriend.

One commenter writes:

You not only seem bored, you seem a bit angry.

You’re not married yet, and since that’s the case, and this is so important to you, why would even consider dooming yourself a potential dead bedroom? I think you already know the answer to your question, but since you asked: your chances of changing this woman are very slight, if they exist at all, so you need to move on.

Good luck

[RELATED: 2 For 1: A Beginner’s Guide To Double Penetration]

Another writes:

Had your current Midwestern girl ever pegged someone before she pegged you? Because while anal play & exploration is one thing, strapping-on is a whole other beast. You’re asking her to look and behave like a man would in sex. She’s covering up or statically filling her sex organs, the stuff designed to receive friction and attention. Combined with the fact you say her feminine body isn’t really doing it for you anymore…and I can see her reluctance to abandon her genetic identity in the bedroom.

What I would suggest is buying her some lingerie she feels feminine and powerful in, and a (non-phallic) dildo with a handle or njoy pure wand. Tell her you’d like your beautiful princess to make you moan just like you love so much making her moan. Leave the gender-bending parts out entirely.

Also, stop comparing sex that your penis and her vagina enjoy to sex that only your butthole enjoys. PiV sex is for both of your and both your pleasures. Pegging is for you. Reciprocating that would be spending equal amounts of time and energy doing her-focused pleasure that doesn’t involve your pleasure organs as well.

Yet another commenter writes:

In your shoes, I would find a new girlfriend.
Sometimes two people are just not sexually compatible. Neither of them is wrong; they’re just not well suited for each other. If that is the case, you can either decide you’re okay with never or rarely experiencing the kind of sex you want, or you can end the relationship. Personally, I would end it.

What you can’t do is pressure someone to do sexual things they’re not comfortable with. That said, there’s a difference between actually feeling uncomfortable with something, and merely finding it unarousing. It is reasonable to expect your partner to occasionally indulge your sexual interests by doing things they find unexciting, so long as those things are not psychologically or physically uncomfortable for them.

A good sexual partner finds your enjoyment and arousal to be a turn-on, and wants to do things you like for that reason. If your girlfriend hates the things you like, maybe she is actually uncomfortable with them (in which case you two may be incompatible), or maybe she is just sexually selfish. The fact that she’s getting off multiple times but will only give you a blowjob “out of pity” makes me wonder about the latter, but I don’t know her, and there is often more to someone’s story than meets the eye. A lot of people are dealing with significant sexual hangups or even sexual trauma.

Either way, ask yourself this: Does a lifetime of vanilla sex seem only mildly disappointing to you, or does it seem bleak and miserable? I find that prospect bleak and miserable, so I would end the relationship. Only you can decide how important it is to you, but the degree of resentment and frustration in your post suggests to me that you may find it bleak and miserable too.

Good luck, and I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I don’t think it is at all unreasonable to want a fulfilling sex life that sometimes incorporates your sexual interests. But sometimes you need to look harder to find the right partner for that.

(Incidentally, I’ve always been curious about pegging. I tried it with a partner for the first time last week, but he didn’t particularly enjoy it. That may have been because I don’t really know what I’m doing. I’d be very interested in hearing your tips in that regard. Or if you happen to live near me and decide to dump your girlfriend, I’d be glad to have a guided practice session from someone with more pegging experience.)

What do you think this confused boyfriend should do? Leave your words of wisdom in the comments section below.

Dayum! Shoutout to @the.gaily.grind reader @muscleequilibrium

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