A deeply religious father made the mistake of attempting to physically assaulting his black belt lesbian daughter after “exploding” in a fit of rage and hurling homophobic slurs at her during a recent argument.
The 26-year-old medical student took to reddit this week to share her story. She explains that her relationship with her religious parents has continued to deteriorate after she came out to them a few years ago.
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Due to exorbitant university costs, she says she was forced to rely on her conservative family to support her financially throughout her studies – even though they constantly attack her for “choosing the gay lifestyle.”
I (26F) came out to my very conservative parents years ago. They have never accepted me for who I am, worry more about the opinions and judgement of the small religious social circle in which they live, and always pressure me to get married to a man of the same faith. Last week, when I was home and helping my father (55M) out with some work he blew up randomly (…when I dropped a small empty box) and yelled insanely loud at me for “not thinking” and “choosing the gay lifestyle” and the path I am on, for being a “burden”, told me I am “disrespecting” him, that I “must do what [he] says” because I am his daughter, and then proceeded to grab me and try to hit me. I am a black belt, so I blocked the pretty hard smack, and at that point I think he realized how much he had lost it. He has raised his voice to me before about the subject, but has never attempted to hit me. I left the house and went back to school (I’m in medical school), I’ve had 1 conversation with him since then and he still is very ignorant (saying he believes I am making this choice/doesn’t understand why I am doing this since I am “biologically a female”/said he’s sorry but he’s right/etc.) I’ve had many discussions with him about how ignorant his point of view is, how who I am is not a choice, and how he is acting overall crazy. I know he wants the best for me and probably means well, but it’s been long enough and I want to cut him out of my life as soon as possible. The only problem is that he pays for everything. He’s paying for my rent, my schooling and tuition, my cell phone bills, anything and everything you can think of. I could take out student loans and be done with him, but the thought of having hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of debt that lasts for life compared to putting up with him for just a couple more years until I’m making my own paycheck just doesn’t sit well. But having him in my life right now, with him treating me the way he does, trying to halt my life and happiness also doesn’t sit well. My mother (54F) says she will never let him cut me off, that she doesn’t accept me for who I am but will never fight me about it, and that she is sorry for what happened. If you were in my situation, what would you do? I should also add that these fights ruin my concentration in school, making it difficult to focus and study. I have a test next week and I’m sitting here crying.
TLDR; I am currently in grad school and am financially dependent on my father for rent and school. He pays for everything, but cannot accept that I am gay, and hit me last week when I was visiting home. Any advice, support, or solution to this situation would be welcomed.
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Many fellow Reddit users urged the trainee doctor to not allow her parents to blackmail her into remaining in contact with them: “I’d start formulating a backup plan in case your father does try to withdraw his financial support. Please talk to an advisor about what sort of financial aid options you have. Talk to a counselor, too, about your father’s homophobia and abuse.”
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Another writes: “Can you just minimize your interactions with him? Don’t cut off the relationship, but just see him a lot less often, and pick times when you’re on a break from school, so if anything happens it’s less disruptive to your studies? I think it’s worth trying to hang in until you finish medical school — if you can handle it. You can just tell your parents that school’s gotten more intense and you have to study, study, study. You’ll see them at the next major holiday.
And even if you do ultimately decide the money’s not worth it, the longer you can go, the less you’ll have to borrow.“